A tale of Orange: Dragons Dogmas unwanted daughter

She was meant to be my bodyguard. A sexy elf archer to protect me from the bad things in Dragons Dogma. Except I got the height wrong. Instead of a fearless warrior, ever so slightly modelled on Liv Tylers Arwen, I had a small girl. I called her Orange.

The name, admittedly, was deliberate. When you create your Pawn a companioncharacterthat stays with you throughout the game Orange stood outamongstall the mythological and heroic options as a bit different, somewhere between quirky and really bloody stupid. I thought it would give her character.Do you know what else would have given her character? About another three feet in height. It was a complete balls up: Id spent ages messing about with the hair and eyes but not taken a second to look her over from top to bottom. Instead of warrior lady Id made kid sister. I may have face palmed. I definitely swore.

"I thought you'd be taller"

But Dragons Dogma has but one save, a lengthy playable prologue and Id already restarted it all once after deciding the Mage class was rubbish. I just couldnt be bothered to go through all that again so, begrudgingly, I decided to soldier on with Orange, sighing a come on then, as I struck out into the wilderness with her in tow; secretly hoping none of the villagers noticed us as we left.

At first I did what you do with most annoying little sisters: ignore them, and hope they go away and leave you with the coo! l kids. I had other companions (ones Id stood next to before hiring) so Orange was embarrassing but, you know, whatever.

Weirdly, though, as I played I started to care about her. You see Orange is useless at everything. Almost every time I look for her shes in trouble. Pinned under a wolf, surrounded by bandits twice her size, grasped in the big crushy fist of a troll whatever Im doing, Orange will somehow have found the most dangerous thing in a five mile radius and hoofed it in the shins. At one point I thought Id actually lost her only to see her name sliding slowly down the bulging neck of a giant snake. Oh, Orange!

This has become an exasperated catchphrase. A weary battle cry thatprecedesmost of what I do in Dragons Dogma now. At this point protecting Orange is the game for me. Whatever quest Im on or whatever Im attempting to do,somewhere, something is trying to eat Orange.

Orange with an arrow in her neck. Which to be honest is her doing quite well.

Trouble is, this is sort of my fault. During thecharactercreation section at the start of the game I told her to be aggressive; to scout ahead and always attack the strongest foe. All while imagining a 511brunette with years of combat training and the first season of Game Of Thronescommittedto memory. None of which is helpful when youre four foot three and mostly made of knees.

Every time something picks her up and bounces her around like a baby with rag doll I feel guilty. I didnt want her. I didnt ask for her but Im stuck with her and Orange NO! Leave the Cyclops alone. Stay away! NO! ORANGE! JE-SUS CHRIST, ORANGE!

I started playing Dragons Dogma because I wanted to have adventures and to hit monsters with swor! ds. Now Im abeleagueredfather tutoring an unwanted daughter in the fine art of please dont dont get killed this time.In the game there are Learning Chairs where you can sit and talk to your Pawn and refine theirbehaviour. They ask questions and you chose answers to modify what they do in certain situations. Its here that Ive fullytransitioned into dad mode. You mustnt run off Orange, its not safe I say to the telly as I tell her not to attack the strongest opponent anymore.

To be honest her leveling up has become far more important than my own progress. Every time she clocks up a notch theres a little flicker of pride, mixed with the hope that she might manage a few extra minutes with out being chewed. Or at least not start prodding a dragon in the toe with daggers she can barely lift.And my dutiful care is starting to pay off. Shes got some new attacks and is starting to actually become dangerous to people that arent her. Theres even been a couple of fights were a crackle of explosive arrows and a blur of slashing daggers have ended it all before Ive even managed to draw my sword. Im so proud.

Theres just one left that unsettles me. When you rest at an inn your pawn magically goes off to otherrealismto help other people. Technically it means she gets new quest knowledge, experience and comes back with new gear. But all I see in the morning is a list of PSN names and Orange standing there in different clothes. Of course she never says anything, just presents me with an apple and asks if shes done well. I guess its a part of growing up.